ashke.nu

I know I wrote something about not being able to get my sleeping habits into order. Something happened. I haven’t been late one time. I have been up every morning at 7. I wake up before my alarm clock goes off. But it has it’s drawbacks.

I fall asleep at 9PM.

This is only the last few days. Last week I was wiped at 7PM every day. Staying up till 8PM was like fighting for one’s life! But amazing; I could sleep through the night without problems. Well, I could wake up a few times, but falling back asleep wasn’t a problem at all.

I’m just amazed! How could this happen? One day I had to wake up at noon, after only a few hours of sleep, to meet dad. Next thing I know, I’m driving home with Pal, Pal is looking worried as I’m laughing at how the traffic sign look “funny”. Quite suddenly we are home, I’m feeling quite high (from lack of sleep, mind you), and I fall onto the bed. In seconds, I’m asleep. This is at 8PM. Next morning I wake up at 7. And the routine is on.

But hey, I’m happy! I can actually concentrate on real things, like school, and do things with the effort I know I can achieve. And suddenly, for doing nothing, I feel proud. I should be proud about Pal, since she was the one who got me up on that fateful day in the first place.

So you see, I said the key-word. 9 PM. And ‘lo, it’s already 6:10. A bell should be ringing in your head now. The question is, thus, “How can I still be at school, when sleepytime is nearing?”

Good question! Indeed! I had to come back to finish the JOB I WAS HIRED TO DO! You read correctly! I was hired to design a small brochure for a vocational school in Karjaa, more like an invitation brochure about the 60th anniverary for the schools existence. Omg, am I making any sense anymore? nflksjaflkjegf!!!!

Right. A brochure. An invitation. 60th anniversary. Party. Brochure is about the program on the anniversary day. Program at the school. At the party at the school.

Too tired. If that didn’t make sense, sorry. But key is, I got hired! They didn’t even seen anything I’ve made before. My teacher landed me the job anyway, so they probablytook his word for me being able to do it.

The colours are not very nice, but their original school brochure is YELLOW, so I had to work with that visual identity. The one that existed. Well, it’s done now. I hope they’ll accept it, regardless it’s simplicity. I have a meeting with the headmaster at 8AM tomorrow, so I guess we’ll see then. Must not forget CD-rom.

I noticed I didn’t make any New Year’s resolutions last year, so I can’t do the yearly look-up which I have done for the last couple of years. Oh well, all the better, I won’t have to feel bad about myself for failing them.

So this new year hasn’t gone off too well. I haven’t done nearly all I should, and I’ve gone and turned my sleeping all around to sleeping during the day and being wake during the night. Annoying really, but I haven’t got the self-discipline to do anything about it. And I’m surely the most hopless sleeper ever. If I’m not tired, I can’t force myself to sleep. So, having woken up about an hour and a half ago, I can say for sure that I won’t be sleeping this night.

This isn’t any news really, I’ve been having problems with my sleeping since way back to junior high school. This explains why I’m always late for everything. Always! I’m a night person, and unfortunately, the world isn’t. The rest of the world works from 9 to 5, which is a hell of a deal to me. Luckily, I don’t bail completely, but show up as soon as I can get myself dragged out of bed. I seriously have to do something about this. My behaviour = not good.

So next semester begins next Tuesday. Lessons start at 10. I have one days less than a week to turn this all around, and fix it. Panicking already! But I think I might manage, since it’s a course in video, which is VERY interesting, the closest to film-making I’ll get at the moment.

*sob* It still means no more vacation. This means self-pity time.

Okay, I’ve tried to write a post about this for an hour now, and I end up deleting everything in the end. I don’t really know what I think. It all comes out just wrong. Draft one - too inconsiderate, what if someone gets offended? Draft two - what fluff! Draft three - shit shit shit! Draft four - fuck it, here goes:

I’m sorry these tragedies should happen! I’m sorry many people have died, I’m sorry they had to die at the same time. I’m sorry many people have lost their loved ones. I cannot sympathize much, not because I don’t care but because things like these have never struck me. I’m sorry that this didn’t strike me harder. I’m sorry that you have to suffer. I’m sorry that anyone has to suffer. I’m sorry there is nothing I can do about it!

But. Here goes. People suffer all the time. People die every day. People lose their loved ones every day. People seem only concerned when they can somehow relate to the tragedy. Some hundred Finns are lost in the areas where the tsunami struck, and now the whole country is in an uproar. No one can work, no one can do anything, no one can celebrate anything. All that is on everybody’s lips is, ‘Isn’t it terrible? Don’t you just pity those over there?’ Answer. Yes. Now, can I move on with my life?

I understand that many are destroyed over the fact that these tragedies happened. What I don’t understand is why it has to consume our lives. I said already that I’m sorry that I was not there when it happened. I said I was sorry that this doesn’t touch me in any way, as in no one I know has died or been lost to the tsunami. Can I go on with my life now? Does life not go on?

What makes me even more annoyed is that I feel guilty already about this post. I should not write such things about such a touchy subject. But then I guess anything too fluffy would just not sound like me. People who really know me and have spoken to me about the subject would think I was possessed or something.

My biggest question regarding the subject was, how can it be that it could catch all those people so unawares? How can it be that there are loads and loads of equipment that cost a fortune that can predict these earthquakes? Are these equipment just there for fun, are they not there to prevent from worse things from happening? I know, the earthquake and the tsunami happened in a matter of seconds. But shouldn’t these equipment have warned a lot of people many many many moments before anything aqtualy happened? And here I am again, critisizing innocent people. There still wasn’t enough time, I know. Who am I kidding. So what are these equipment then for? All I could ask for is these things to be prevented, so that people wouldn’t have to suffer! And that I wouldn’t have to have an awful opinion about it.

I’m just trying to rationalize. Rationality concerns me, while when and how one should flag in consideration of a bunch of people in peril and need, does not. My answer is every day. People die every day, are in peril and in need every day. Did I already say that? I’m just trying to ask myself why the whole country has to go on a total stop. Why? Isn’t there anyone I can blame for stopping my life from going on? Isn’t there anyone I can sue for making me write this stupid entry and feeling even guilty about it? Isn’t there anyone I can hit for making me feel I have to write, that it would be horrible and inconsiderate and selfish not to write?

So there you go. I have written a whole lot of things you did not want to read. All this because I tried and tried and nothing came out right. All this because my thoughts are (at the moment) politically incorrect. All this, purely out of my heart at the fastest rate possible, with no consideration whatsoever.

Here’s my rant. I hope that all of you who are consumed by this, in close touch to this matter, know people who know people who might know or do something, have a happy new year, and all the luck to you. Respectfully. If you can spare a moment, go donate a few dolars/euros to the Red Cross. There are people who need it. You might feel better about it, feel involved, and maybe then you can go on with life, knowing that you contributed. You’ll have yet one more thing to discuss with your friends on the subject. Even I, who am now stark raving mad regarding the subject have donated a few euros, Pal donated five (or was it ten?). I hope it will help someone, the little I had to give.

To those REALLY involved: I’m sorry if I offended you. This rant was more towards those who pretend to be involved, or want to be involved for the glory. There is no glory, I know. I wish you all well, and hope that you will overcome this. I hope your family and friends will overcome. May whatever grace there is be with you. Maybe I should have put this at the top.

I’m really exited because I got my Fellowship of the Ring Extended Edition today. Which means my LOTR DVD Collection is done! I now have all three Theatrical Versions AND Extended Editions. I also made a bunch of LJ icons from captures I took of the Fellowship EE-DVD, but I won’t post them until I’ve made a bunch more, which I mean to do on the following week. (So if you’re still reading, look out for that!)